What wedding dress?

According to those pesky all-pink-and-white wedding magazines and their never-ending glossy pages of checkbox-packed lists it is now officially time to start looking for my wedding dress.

Not only have they told me this but they've also screeched (not literally of course, that's just how I imagine they speak) that this is "the fun part" and that there will be "literally hundreds to choose from".

Is it wrong that this terrifies me? Anything that's lauded as "fun" sets me on edge anyway (it's what people say about karaoke and I hate karaoke) but it's the sheer range of choices that I know I am about to be presented with that really has me breaking out in a cold sweat.

I tend to make decisions fairly rashly it has to be said. If someone calls with a last-minute invite I'm there in a flash, I take on large work projects without knowing fully what's involved and I normally buy clothes on impulse on unplanned Tuesday afternoon pre-drinking shopping sprees. Making a premeditated purchase after scouring magazines and websites and visiting numerous boutiques to try endless options is not very, well, me.

Which leads me to my other problem. What kind of dress is "me"? There are strapless and halterneck, scoop neck and square neck, cap sleeves and cape-sleeved, knee-length and floor-length, off-white and almost-white, retro and cutting-edge, informal and formal...the list goes on and my head starts spinning. I tend to think of myself as someone who's reasonably up on fashion but this is a whole new world, one with its own language and rules and which until now has remained totally off my radar.

So, how will I know what to choose? Will I even end up in the right shops? And most importantly, is it likely to be any fun? I guess I'm about to find out...

Hedonism v hiking: what is a honeymoon?

Doug and I have just got back from a three-week trip to Peru which, before flying out, had been labelled a "holiday". We arrived on the Tuesday and by the Friday (and our third pre-6am wake-up call in a row) this was no longer a word I was able to utter without a wry laugh to myself (yes, some people thought I was a loon but that's the beauty of travel, the next day they were gone).

Having abandoned all hopes of lazing, lounging or generally sleeping in past 9am, by the time we began the Inca Trail I was enjoying my "trip" and getting into the swing of every-other-day relocations by bus, train or plane and the resulting almost-alcohol-free early nights.

So imagine my surprise when one couple in our walking group casually unveiled the H word. Yes, they were on honeymoon. In a tent. Wearing thermals. Carrying walking poles. I was aghast.

Now I should qualify that I don't believe in fly 'n' flop travel and won't be sunning myself in the Maldives for a week post-wedding while someone brings me cocktails and fans me with palm leaves. However, I do think that a honeymoon should be relaxing, at least a bit luxurious and generally focused on romance rather than roughing it.

Planning a wedding is a full-time job which, more often than not, has to be fitted around an existing full-time job, it's stressful, involves mothers and mother-in-laws and usually results in at least one minor break-down at some stage. Therefore, surely recuperation should be the name of the game when it comes to boarding that first flight as Mr and Mrs?

But perhaps I'm barking up the wrong tree. With travel increasingly accessible (and affordable) most brides and grooms have seen a fair portion of the world, be it together or separately, before the wedding – so is the honeymoon actually about exploring thusfar-undiscovered territory together? Is adventure more important than battery-recharging?

The average honeymoon now costs £3,860 which seems like a hell of a lot of money to spend on a trip which simply involves being horizontal (whether on a sun lounger or, ahem, elsewhere) so are there actually thousands of couples heading off on similarly adventurous honeymoons? And if so, why do we never hear about them? Every wedding magazine I've picked up in the last six months has focused on sun, sand and sea destinations usually found in either the Caribbean or the Indian Ocean. They are so samey and so obviously irrelevant to me that I actually skip the travel pages – and I'm someone who subscribes to at least five monthly travel mags.

Personally I'm planning a honeymoon which falls nicely between the two extremes: there won't be any hiking but there will be adventure, and although I don't intend to spend every waking moment on a sun lounger, we will be sitting on a beach, cocktails in hand, at least for the first day. Planning the honeymoon is every bit as personal as planning the wedding, and it requires exactly the same level of research, organisation and consideration – so why is it so often an afterthought, shoved to the back of the bridal magazines and relegated to last-minute decisions and pin-the-tail-on-the-map randomness?

Perhaps it's only this important to me. Am I the only bride pouring over travel guides and world maps just as much as dress advertising and floral arrangements? Or has the humble honeymoon become almost as important as the wedding?

The first dance dilemma

Since those bloody Youtube showoffs upped the ante with their increasingly involved wedding dances, the first dance has become something of an enigma. Sticking to a three-minute sway to a traditional, tried-and-tested ballad now looks beyond dull, while going all out and copying the moves from some Dirty Dancing-esque favourite semms a little, well, 2008. What to do?

Everyone seems to agree that the first dance should define you as a couple and present you to the world in one perfect married-couple nutshell. But what exactly does that mean? It seems appropriate to have a song that "means something" to us but unfortunately everything that springs to mind is either a 90s chart hit or 80s wonder from our student days or one of those dance-floor-filling indie-pop tune we've all been stomping to since graduation. We don't have "our song".

But then who does? Most people fall back on something classic by Sinatra or Barry White or a more up-to-date ballad like Aerosmith's "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" or something awful by James Blunt. All of these are commonly to be found on websites listing "the top first dance songs of all time" or similar. I've visited the sites and scanned the lists and unfortunately nothing appeals.

This is partly because I just know that these have all been chosen hundreds of times before. Although I don't consider myself a "quirky" sort of person, especially not when it comes to music, I do want something a little unexpected, perhaps something nobody else at the wedding had thought of, or seen used by other couples.

But it's proving mighty difficult. So far we have a list of six contenders, but none have really jumped out at us as "the" song. For such an important moment we really want something we'll be 100% happy with - and that means both of us. We've argued over iTunes and bonded over Spotify but still the elusive perfect track escapes us. We need help, so feel free to make a suggestion, just nothing by James Blunt please....!

Weekday weddings - a good idea?

As the summer finally kicks off and wedding season gets underway, this year I've noticed something different. Instead of discussing with friends which Saturdays are out for BBQs, birthday celebrations and weekends away because of weddings, the discussion has focused on whether we all have enough annual leave left over after all the weekdays lost to the strongest emerging trend in nuptials - the weekday wedding.

With the average cost of a UK wedding now comfortably over £20,000 every saving counts and the easiest way to save some serious money without compromising on the wedding of the bride's dreams is to have it on a day other than Saturday. In the past a wedding in the week was a rarity but now, with it representing savings which can run into the thousands, it's becoming more and more popular to get married on a Friday or even a Thursday.

But can you expect friends and family to take a day off work to attend your ceremony? With accommodation, travel, the stag or hen night and the gift, it now costs several hundred pounds just to attend a wedding - and those free bars are a thing of the past too. So, is it asking too much to expect to cost them a day of their annual leave as well?

Personally I wouldn't have considered a weekday wedding. I want as many people to be able to make it to my ceremony as possible and can't bare the idea that anyone would be there begrudgingly or have to leave early to get home for work the next day. In fact, we've gone for a bank holiday Sunday to allow people a day both before and after the wedding to travel, recuperate and generally fit our big day into their lives. Of course close family and friends will gladly give up a day in the office for your wedding if they can but what about those who really can't, teachers for example? And what about those more distant friends and relatives who might not think it worth the effort?

Of course you could argue that anyone unwilling to take a day off work to celebrate with you isn't worth inviting in the first place. But what if your guests already have a handful of weekday weddings to fit into the office holiday schedule? What if they live far enough away to need to travel the day before and therefore take two days off work? What if you happen to coincide with your best friend's company's AGM or something unforeseen but ultimately unmissable?

In the end I decided that a weekday wedding presented more problems that it solved but I know many people who would vehemently disagree. Am I foolish to spend the extra on a weekend wedding? Or is a Saturday wedding ultimately the most sensible thing to do?

Themes and schemes - are they necessary?

What is it with themes? I've always hated those fancy dress parties that have you spending stupid amounts of money on items of clothing you wouldn't normally even pick up at a jumble sale just so you can fit in with some overriding but vague theme like "eighties", "heaven and hell" or, even worse, "French". I'd rather buy a nice outfit and be done.

That was certainly my attitude to the wedding - until, that is, it began to dawn on me that weddings are now like any other party and expected to be, in some small way at least, themed. Not necessarily in a garish, "everyone must wear devil horns" kind of way but in a subtle, personal sort of way.

Those pesky wedding magazines (which I'm beginning to think may be bad for me, my health and my bank account) are forever talking about what defines you "as a couple" and suggesting ways of incorporating this into your celebrations. I read of one couple who combined sand from both their travels as part of their ceremony - a beautiful sentiment but not one for us.

So, now I'm wondering what is "us". Travel is a big thing for us but I can't think of a non-tacky way of incorporating this, and Doug's first love is golf - something which definitely needs to be done right to avoid looking, well, hideous frankly. And even if we decide to sidestep all this theme nonsense, there's still the colour scheme to choose.

We've discussed deep purple and dark green, monochrome and neon brights; we've looked at bridesmaids dresses in Coast; we've even been to Homebase and picked up paint swatches - and we still simply don't know what we want. Every time we lean one way I see everything heading off into some hideously matchy matchy world where we all wear the same colour to tie in with the table centres which match the cake - and I want to scream.

So, do we need a colour scheme at all? Can we just pick what we like when we find it and to hell with the matching ribbons? Or would this look like a mish-mash of clashing colours on the day? Answers on a colour-coded postcard please....

National Wedding Show

Still feeling in need of some inspiration, Doug and I spent yesterday afternoon at the National Wedding Show where it was to be found by the bucketload.

All last week people were telling Doug not to go, that it was a miserable experience, that he'd hate it. Understandably then, he wasn't feeling too up for it when we arrived at Olympia to be confronted by a whole lot of pink and white. I, on the other hand, have always wanted to go to the wedding show and was expecting to enjoy it. However, I know my boredom threshold for these exhibitions and so we had quite a specific plan – arrive, watch some shows, speak to some florists/dress designers then go for a well-deserved Thai.

Collecting the show programme, we went for coffee first to digest it, both feeling pretty knackered after a bit too much wine the night before. For once, we'd timed something unintentionally well as the "inspirations" show was about to start. We headed for the theatre area expecting tips on budgeting (much needed) and planning but instead found ourselves at a session all about cakes. Now, I know the cake is important and, to some people, is the centrepiece of the evening, but we're not all that fussed and when they wheeled out a massive pink and white monstrosity by a fabulously expensive French cakemaker we were somewhat aghast. It was, quite honestly, hideous, but on the plus side has made me even more certain that Waitrose will be our cakemaker of choice!

We were on the verge of leaving when we realised we were gradually being surrounded by champagne-flute-wielding gaggles of excitable women. Wondering what was going on I checked the timetable to find that the catwalk show was next – perfect timing. Divided into scenes and showcasing around 70 outfits (mostly dresses, some suits) the show was actually very useful for a dress-confused girl like myself. I was particularly taken with a strapless Chandrika Thomas dress and several of the Enzoani dresses caught my eye. I loved the Candy Anthony scene too, and am now considering (though none-too-seriously) the possibility of a knee-length 50s style.

After the show we had a look around the stands but, being Sunday afternoon, found that many suppliers' interest had waned slightly. The flowers area was somewhat disappointing, with very few displays of anything like what we want, but we were impressed with Mathew Dickinson and did get a couple of colour ideas. I looked at a few dresses too but variety was limited and many were dirty from lots of brides-to-be having tried them on.

Although we picked up some ideas and got our minds back in the wedding zone after a couple of busy work weeks, I don't think we'll go back to the show next year. So many of the stands were irrelevant to us, since the venue, photographer and honeymoon are already decided, and there just wasn't enough for the men. Doug did pick up a few suit hire brochures but the whole event was geared so much more towards women – there were more mums in the room than there were grooms!

All in all, a useful afternoon, but if you're getting married and you missed it, just head out and buy some mags for the same inspiration at a much cheaper price!

Engagement party

In some ways the traditional engagement party is an outdated event. Historically an opportunity for both families to meet, this wasn't something we needed to do since we already spend Christmas together so for us, it was more something we wanted to do - a fantastic excuse for a boozy night out!

We hired the room above the Theodore Bullfrog pub just off the Strand and, apart from a rather grumpy barman, it was the perfect venue. It was the right size, we played our own music and they did good, cheap food to stop the drunkenness from setting in too early!

Although we have a lot of parties at home and make a bit of a fuss over both of our birthdays every year, this was the first time we've got so many people we know together in one place, and it was a great sampler of what the wedding is going to be like. Having so many people there for us really brought home what this wedding is all about, we want it to be fun, informal and lively - and judging by the engagement party we've chosen the right bridal party for that!

Photographer booked

So, after much agonising we've finally gone ahead and booked our photographer. We decided to go with Martin and Karen Plant because we know they'll capture a couple of blow-us-away shots that we'll treasure forever. We just kept coming back to one shot they took of a couple at our venue at sunset which is exactly the kind of thing we're after.

Next up is the dress and this is where I think it's going to start to feel really real...

Choosing a photographer - help needed!

So, with the venue booked and the date set, the next thing on my list of priorities is the photography. As a journalist I'm fairly used to having my picture taken and seeing professional results so I must admit to being quite picky about this.

I really want someone who can compile a great set of reportage shots of the day and also capture a few key images of us as a couple and of groups of close family and friends. I'm hoping for one or two wall-worthy pictures plus lots of great photos we can put in frames and put an album together with.

To me, capturing the day is one of the most important things - after all, apart from the rings, what else do you actually have left after the wedding itself besides the photos? Certainly not the flowers, favours or centrepieces...! And so, I'm finding it really really hard to decide.

We've got it down to two and, having already blown the budget on this, aren't too worried about the slight difference in price between them. Our main concern is how they will be on the day - we need someone we can get on well with and who can fade into the background to put people at ease but still leap forward when a particularly photogenic moment occurs.

Our two potential photographers are David Jones and Martin & Karen Plant. Both work in pairs (David works with a woman called Lucy who we haven't met) and both offer enough coverage on the day - from Doug's morning round of golf to well into the evening dancing. Both are also very professional, very friendly and very experienced. So how can we choose? Martin & Karen know Coltsfoot well having photographed their before but I'm not sure how much this matters as David would visit the venue in advance anyway, and both offer an engagement shoot so we can get to know them before the big day.

This is definitely the toughest decision so far and I'm conscious too of how personal it is selecting one over the other. Any thoughts or advice greatly appreciated!

Venue chosen!

After spending the last two weekends chasing around Hertfordshire and Essex in circles and getting to know the A1 intimately we had only one place to go this Saturday. Yep, after much deliberation (well, at least on my part, Doug was sold from first glance!) we've booked our wedding venue.

If you've been reading this blog over the past week or two you won't be in the least bit surprised to learn that it's Coltsfoot - in the end there really wasn't much competition. Of the nine venues we visited, three (Theobalds Park, Shendish Manor and Tewin Bury Farm) took themselves out of the running straight away because there would be another wedding on site at the same time, and after seeing venues with accommodation we decided to discount those that didn't have bedrooms within stumbling distance of the bar - which meant Gaynes Park, the Hertfordshire and Priory Barn were out. So, that only left Fanhams Hall, Ponsbourne Park and Coltsfoot.

Of these only Coltsfoot was totally exclusive - and a barn, which was what we'd always had in mind. So, apart from my umming and ahhing over whether there was somewhere even more perfect out there, the decision was really made as we pulled out of the car park. As we'd seen so many places so quickly we had to go back to check we were sure it was perfect for us but there's just something so right about the atmosphere there, and the couple who will be overseeing our day (Jenny and Richard) are easily the friendliest people we've dealt with. We chatted about the details over a pot of tea by the roaring fire in the bar and in the end there just wasn't any doubt in our minds; we were left feeling more than happy to hand over the deposit cheque. So, assuming the registrar doesn't throw a red-taped spanner in the works, we will be getting married on May 1 2011.

So all that's left to sort out now is the dress, the food, the music, the flowers....