Getting personal?

Weddings always include certain unassailable things – vows, speeches, cake, some form of alcoholic beverage - but these are not the things that make it a wedding. Yes, it doesn't feel right if noone throws a bouquet and someone doesn't cry but what really makes a wedding is the personal touch.

Without something to make your wedding yours, something which couldn't have been at any other wedding, is it doomed to merge into every other wedding ever performed? In years to come people won't remember what they ate or whether it was real champagne or fake fizz they drank to toast your nuptials, but they will remember a unique first dance, red wedding dress or truly heartfelt speech by someone special.

So how can you come up with those unique, quirky touches to add to your big day? This is the question that is currently plaguing me as I move out of the early days of "do we want a church or civil ceremony?" and "what kind of dress do I want?" territory and into the frills, bows, bells and whistles territory of the decoration, music and entertainment.

Do I want a choreographed first dance? Should we hire some sort of entertainment other than music? Is it a good idea to use photos of ourselves as decorations or is this a bit navel-gazing? All these questions and many more way more specific ones to do with top secret possible extras are currently swimming around in my head along with the million and one other things we really ought to have sorted by now such as flowers and the groom's outfit.

Unfortunately all this brings me to the even scarier realm of mid-night questions about how well I know myself and my husband-to-be. What do people know us for? When our friends talk about us what do they say? And what do they really think of us anyway?
Clearly this has gone too far but the point is that unless you have something obviously outstanding about yourself, perhaps to do with your job, a hobby or your family background, it's very difficult to know what's "you" – at least to other people. There's little point throwing something so personal nobody gets it into the mix but taking a step back from yourself and thinking about what will make your wedding you is a formidable task - and one which no wedding magazine or website can really help you with.

The answer seems to be to add any quirky things you really want to add, get as many people close to you involved as possible (especially when it comes to readings, speeches and even performances) and try not to panic about whether your wedding will be memorable. Whatever happens it will be to you, and that's what really matters.

The first dance dilemma

Since those bloody Youtube showoffs upped the ante with their increasingly involved wedding dances, the first dance has become something of an enigma. Sticking to a three-minute sway to a traditional, tried-and-tested ballad now looks beyond dull, while going all out and copying the moves from some Dirty Dancing-esque favourite semms a little, well, 2008. What to do?

Everyone seems to agree that the first dance should define you as a couple and present you to the world in one perfect married-couple nutshell. But what exactly does that mean? It seems appropriate to have a song that "means something" to us but unfortunately everything that springs to mind is either a 90s chart hit or 80s wonder from our student days or one of those dance-floor-filling indie-pop tune we've all been stomping to since graduation. We don't have "our song".

But then who does? Most people fall back on something classic by Sinatra or Barry White or a more up-to-date ballad like Aerosmith's "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" or something awful by James Blunt. All of these are commonly to be found on websites listing "the top first dance songs of all time" or similar. I've visited the sites and scanned the lists and unfortunately nothing appeals.

This is partly because I just know that these have all been chosen hundreds of times before. Although I don't consider myself a "quirky" sort of person, especially not when it comes to music, I do want something a little unexpected, perhaps something nobody else at the wedding had thought of, or seen used by other couples.

But it's proving mighty difficult. So far we have a list of six contenders, but none have really jumped out at us as "the" song. For such an important moment we really want something we'll be 100% happy with - and that means both of us. We've argued over iTunes and bonded over Spotify but still the elusive perfect track escapes us. We need help, so feel free to make a suggestion, just nothing by James Blunt please....!