Time flies...

...when you're planning a wedding.

There's nothing more time consuming, stressful and delightfully traumatic than getting ready for the biggest day of your life. Like many other things, this blog took a backseat to table plans, beauty treatments, dress fittings, decoration making and all the other million and one small things which crept up on us during the final few weeks before our wedding on Sunday May 1.

But now it's over. The lovingly made place cards are now red wine stained, the carefully chosen dress now languishing in its bag in the spare room and the frantically ordered candles still sitting in their unopened plastic bag. Because no, not everything went exactly and precisely to plan and yes, we had the most amazing day of our lives.

Though four weeks have now passed (during which time we've been enjoying a disgustingly long and extravagant honeymoon) I am still unable to fully appreciate just what happened that day. And so, to help me get my head around it, and to help any brides-to-be out there who are still in the throes of wedding planning, here are my five top tips from the big day.

1. Book the best photographer you can afford
This is my top tip and I can't stress it enough - our photographer Martin Plant was worth his weight in platinum. He helped the groom with a shaving mishap, tied all the cravats and generally created an air of calm throughout the day – as well as setting up some truly once-in-a-lifetime shots. Yes, we massively overstretched the budget on this one but now the day is over the main thing we will have to show for it is our pictures and to us that's priceless.

2. Lay on free booze, but keep it simple
We tied ourselves in knots about this one, not knowing how much people would drink and whether anyone would take the proverbial if we offered a free bar. We decided to pay for beer and wine only and I would highly recommend this as the best way to ensure everyone has a good time but that nobody orders a tray of 12 double brandies (I've seen it done!). Inevitably some of your guests will be on a budget so offering some free booze is a good idea if you want everyone on that dancefloor but (draft) beer and wine don't run up the bar tab like other drinks do and so we were able to offer these all night long, including some bottles of wine for the late-night drinkers. We didn't reach our financial limit and everyone had a good time.

3. Prepare something for your first dance
Anything. Seriously. Nobody enjoys the painful first dance where the couple sway awkwardly to the backdrop of a million flashbulbs and a soundtrack of Stevie Wonder, and these days (thanks to Youtube) your guests are probably expecting something a little more showbiz. We had a lesson with First Dance UK (just one) during which we choreographed an alarmingly simple routine which we rehearsed a total of about five times. It didn't take much time (or dancing ability!) and meant that we had something to focus on besides the fact that everyone was staring at us. Yes, we messed it up but my dress hid many of our mistakes and we really enjoyed surprising everyone.

4. Arrange something for the next day
One of the best things about our wedding was that we got to spend time with all our guests. This was partly because we kept our numbers down so we could get around everyone but the main reason we felt we'd had some quality time with people was because we had a BBQ the next day. Most of the guests came, it was a very relaxed affair in the garden of my now in-laws and it meant that those end of the night goodbyes on the wedding day itself were more "see you later" than "see you at Christmas".

5. Don't drink too much
Sounds boring but better that than waking up the next day not remembering anything. The day goes quickly enough as it is and drinking only speeds up time so why do it? For brides there's another element to this one too – every time you go to the loo someone has to help you with your dress; it's not quick and it's not graceful. Drinking less means more time with your guests and less time getting a bit too intimate with your bridesmaids – everyone's a winner. I drank hardly anything but the natural high was enough to keep me dancing all night long – and I was still the last one to bed.

Getting personal?

Weddings always include certain unassailable things – vows, speeches, cake, some form of alcoholic beverage - but these are not the things that make it a wedding. Yes, it doesn't feel right if noone throws a bouquet and someone doesn't cry but what really makes a wedding is the personal touch.

Without something to make your wedding yours, something which couldn't have been at any other wedding, is it doomed to merge into every other wedding ever performed? In years to come people won't remember what they ate or whether it was real champagne or fake fizz they drank to toast your nuptials, but they will remember a unique first dance, red wedding dress or truly heartfelt speech by someone special.

So how can you come up with those unique, quirky touches to add to your big day? This is the question that is currently plaguing me as I move out of the early days of "do we want a church or civil ceremony?" and "what kind of dress do I want?" territory and into the frills, bows, bells and whistles territory of the decoration, music and entertainment.

Do I want a choreographed first dance? Should we hire some sort of entertainment other than music? Is it a good idea to use photos of ourselves as decorations or is this a bit navel-gazing? All these questions and many more way more specific ones to do with top secret possible extras are currently swimming around in my head along with the million and one other things we really ought to have sorted by now such as flowers and the groom's outfit.

Unfortunately all this brings me to the even scarier realm of mid-night questions about how well I know myself and my husband-to-be. What do people know us for? When our friends talk about us what do they say? And what do they really think of us anyway?
Clearly this has gone too far but the point is that unless you have something obviously outstanding about yourself, perhaps to do with your job, a hobby or your family background, it's very difficult to know what's "you" – at least to other people. There's little point throwing something so personal nobody gets it into the mix but taking a step back from yourself and thinking about what will make your wedding you is a formidable task - and one which no wedding magazine or website can really help you with.

The answer seems to be to add any quirky things you really want to add, get as many people close to you involved as possible (especially when it comes to readings, speeches and even performances) and try not to panic about whether your wedding will be memorable. Whatever happens it will be to you, and that's what really matters.

The first dance dilemma

Since those bloody Youtube showoffs upped the ante with their increasingly involved wedding dances, the first dance has become something of an enigma. Sticking to a three-minute sway to a traditional, tried-and-tested ballad now looks beyond dull, while going all out and copying the moves from some Dirty Dancing-esque favourite semms a little, well, 2008. What to do?

Everyone seems to agree that the first dance should define you as a couple and present you to the world in one perfect married-couple nutshell. But what exactly does that mean? It seems appropriate to have a song that "means something" to us but unfortunately everything that springs to mind is either a 90s chart hit or 80s wonder from our student days or one of those dance-floor-filling indie-pop tune we've all been stomping to since graduation. We don't have "our song".

But then who does? Most people fall back on something classic by Sinatra or Barry White or a more up-to-date ballad like Aerosmith's "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" or something awful by James Blunt. All of these are commonly to be found on websites listing "the top first dance songs of all time" or similar. I've visited the sites and scanned the lists and unfortunately nothing appeals.

This is partly because I just know that these have all been chosen hundreds of times before. Although I don't consider myself a "quirky" sort of person, especially not when it comes to music, I do want something a little unexpected, perhaps something nobody else at the wedding had thought of, or seen used by other couples.

But it's proving mighty difficult. So far we have a list of six contenders, but none have really jumped out at us as "the" song. For such an important moment we really want something we'll be 100% happy with - and that means both of us. We've argued over iTunes and bonded over Spotify but still the elusive perfect track escapes us. We need help, so feel free to make a suggestion, just nothing by James Blunt please....!