Time flies...

...when you're planning a wedding.

There's nothing more time consuming, stressful and delightfully traumatic than getting ready for the biggest day of your life. Like many other things, this blog took a backseat to table plans, beauty treatments, dress fittings, decoration making and all the other million and one small things which crept up on us during the final few weeks before our wedding on Sunday May 1.

But now it's over. The lovingly made place cards are now red wine stained, the carefully chosen dress now languishing in its bag in the spare room and the frantically ordered candles still sitting in their unopened plastic bag. Because no, not everything went exactly and precisely to plan and yes, we had the most amazing day of our lives.

Though four weeks have now passed (during which time we've been enjoying a disgustingly long and extravagant honeymoon) I am still unable to fully appreciate just what happened that day. And so, to help me get my head around it, and to help any brides-to-be out there who are still in the throes of wedding planning, here are my five top tips from the big day.

1. Book the best photographer you can afford
This is my top tip and I can't stress it enough - our photographer Martin Plant was worth his weight in platinum. He helped the groom with a shaving mishap, tied all the cravats and generally created an air of calm throughout the day – as well as setting up some truly once-in-a-lifetime shots. Yes, we massively overstretched the budget on this one but now the day is over the main thing we will have to show for it is our pictures and to us that's priceless.

2. Lay on free booze, but keep it simple
We tied ourselves in knots about this one, not knowing how much people would drink and whether anyone would take the proverbial if we offered a free bar. We decided to pay for beer and wine only and I would highly recommend this as the best way to ensure everyone has a good time but that nobody orders a tray of 12 double brandies (I've seen it done!). Inevitably some of your guests will be on a budget so offering some free booze is a good idea if you want everyone on that dancefloor but (draft) beer and wine don't run up the bar tab like other drinks do and so we were able to offer these all night long, including some bottles of wine for the late-night drinkers. We didn't reach our financial limit and everyone had a good time.

3. Prepare something for your first dance
Anything. Seriously. Nobody enjoys the painful first dance where the couple sway awkwardly to the backdrop of a million flashbulbs and a soundtrack of Stevie Wonder, and these days (thanks to Youtube) your guests are probably expecting something a little more showbiz. We had a lesson with First Dance UK (just one) during which we choreographed an alarmingly simple routine which we rehearsed a total of about five times. It didn't take much time (or dancing ability!) and meant that we had something to focus on besides the fact that everyone was staring at us. Yes, we messed it up but my dress hid many of our mistakes and we really enjoyed surprising everyone.

4. Arrange something for the next day
One of the best things about our wedding was that we got to spend time with all our guests. This was partly because we kept our numbers down so we could get around everyone but the main reason we felt we'd had some quality time with people was because we had a BBQ the next day. Most of the guests came, it was a very relaxed affair in the garden of my now in-laws and it meant that those end of the night goodbyes on the wedding day itself were more "see you later" than "see you at Christmas".

5. Don't drink too much
Sounds boring but better that than waking up the next day not remembering anything. The day goes quickly enough as it is and drinking only speeds up time so why do it? For brides there's another element to this one too – every time you go to the loo someone has to help you with your dress; it's not quick and it's not graceful. Drinking less means more time with your guests and less time getting a bit too intimate with your bridesmaids – everyone's a winner. I drank hardly anything but the natural high was enough to keep me dancing all night long – and I was still the last one to bed.

Dress stress

Not normally one to fixate on one issue to the exclusion of all others, or obsess about something superficial for weeks on end, the pressure of picking a wedding dress has come as something of a surprise to me.

I didn't expect to stress about such a (relatively) unimportant life choice so much but it turns out that I am, after all, a complete girl! Of all the decisions in life we have to make, choosing a wedding dress may not be up there with selecting a partner, buying a house or deciding on a career path but it is after all something you have to live with forever. It lives on in photographs and will forever become part of your image of yourself - the pressure heaped on this particular garment is huge.

But fortunately I've found it. Yes, after visiting numerous boutiques, trying on more than 50 dresses and agonising over terrible mobile phone pictures of them all it turned out to be easy. Going back to three of the best shops and showing the top six dresses to my mum and mother-in-law-to-be turned out to narrow it down better and faster than I could ever have hoped. Everyone said I would "know it was the one" when I saw it but as I hadn't the first time around I was worried I really wouldn't.

How wrong I was. Of the six, one simply stood out and it couldn't have been more obvious had it sprouted legs and tapped me on the shoulder. I have no qualms about the dresses I ultimately rejected, I'm not mooning over them or wondering if I've made the right choice, and those mobile phone pictures can be deleted without a care. I've chosen the dress I want to marry my Douglas in - and I couldn't be more relieved! Just nine months until I can share it with you all...

Do you, Helen, take this dress....?

Over the past month I’ve plundered the pages of every wedding magazine in Smiths, logged on to so many Flash-happy dress designer websites I swear my glasses prescription has changed and visited enough bridal boutiques to confidently advise anyone looking to open one (don’t employ snooty staff, by the way, is rule number one).

And what do I have to show for this monumental effort? A short list of six (six!) dresses, all of which I really like but none of which I love to the point of tearing up in front of the mirror, and a diary packed with follow-up fittings and punctuated with angrily Biro-ed out former appointments which bit the dust when I saw something so obviously better/examined the photos on my camera/decided I wasn’t a demure/statement/traditional/modern bride.

The problem, you see, is that I can wear anything. Yes, I know, I’m very lucky etc and blah, but in this case I’d kill for someone to just say “hmmm, this style really isn’t for you is it” in that thoughtful yet firm way bridal shop staff do as they start unlacing you and herding you back behind the curtain.

Because I’m stuck, basically. I’ve tried fishtail and mermaid, beaded and lacy, A-line and drop-waisted, ivory and taupe, ruched and corseted – and all have been ok. Not “wow I never want to take it off again”, but “ok I could wear this to walk down the aisle”.

But is that enough? Any of the six remaining dresses (which, to be fair, fall broadly into two camps so it’s a little more 50/50 than it sounds) would look good, feel great and make for some lovely photos. Each one has made me examine myself happily from all angles and feel like I am actually getting married – something which nothing has succeeded in doing before now. But shouldn’t I be bursting with happiness and wiping my eyes demurely as I whisper “this is the one” a la Hollywood? It sounds such a cliché but so many people have said I’ll know when I see it, that I’m actually expecting to.

Perhaps on my second lap of London’s bridal boutiques I’ll feel it. Maybe one of the six will leap out declaring itself as “my” dress and I’ll be able to picture myself walking down that aisle at last. Maybe someone will pull a previously absent dress from the rails, I’ll put it on and boom, all bets are off. Or possibly I’m just going to have to narrow it down to the one that looks the best and suits the venue. When it comes to picking a wedding dress, how sure is sure enough?

What wedding dress?

According to those pesky all-pink-and-white wedding magazines and their never-ending glossy pages of checkbox-packed lists it is now officially time to start looking for my wedding dress.

Not only have they told me this but they've also screeched (not literally of course, that's just how I imagine they speak) that this is "the fun part" and that there will be "literally hundreds to choose from".

Is it wrong that this terrifies me? Anything that's lauded as "fun" sets me on edge anyway (it's what people say about karaoke and I hate karaoke) but it's the sheer range of choices that I know I am about to be presented with that really has me breaking out in a cold sweat.

I tend to make decisions fairly rashly it has to be said. If someone calls with a last-minute invite I'm there in a flash, I take on large work projects without knowing fully what's involved and I normally buy clothes on impulse on unplanned Tuesday afternoon pre-drinking shopping sprees. Making a premeditated purchase after scouring magazines and websites and visiting numerous boutiques to try endless options is not very, well, me.

Which leads me to my other problem. What kind of dress is "me"? There are strapless and halterneck, scoop neck and square neck, cap sleeves and cape-sleeved, knee-length and floor-length, off-white and almost-white, retro and cutting-edge, informal and formal...the list goes on and my head starts spinning. I tend to think of myself as someone who's reasonably up on fashion but this is a whole new world, one with its own language and rules and which until now has remained totally off my radar.

So, how will I know what to choose? Will I even end up in the right shops? And most importantly, is it likely to be any fun? I guess I'm about to find out...

National Wedding Show

Still feeling in need of some inspiration, Doug and I spent yesterday afternoon at the National Wedding Show where it was to be found by the bucketload.

All last week people were telling Doug not to go, that it was a miserable experience, that he'd hate it. Understandably then, he wasn't feeling too up for it when we arrived at Olympia to be confronted by a whole lot of pink and white. I, on the other hand, have always wanted to go to the wedding show and was expecting to enjoy it. However, I know my boredom threshold for these exhibitions and so we had quite a specific plan – arrive, watch some shows, speak to some florists/dress designers then go for a well-deserved Thai.

Collecting the show programme, we went for coffee first to digest it, both feeling pretty knackered after a bit too much wine the night before. For once, we'd timed something unintentionally well as the "inspirations" show was about to start. We headed for the theatre area expecting tips on budgeting (much needed) and planning but instead found ourselves at a session all about cakes. Now, I know the cake is important and, to some people, is the centrepiece of the evening, but we're not all that fussed and when they wheeled out a massive pink and white monstrosity by a fabulously expensive French cakemaker we were somewhat aghast. It was, quite honestly, hideous, but on the plus side has made me even more certain that Waitrose will be our cakemaker of choice!

We were on the verge of leaving when we realised we were gradually being surrounded by champagne-flute-wielding gaggles of excitable women. Wondering what was going on I checked the timetable to find that the catwalk show was next – perfect timing. Divided into scenes and showcasing around 70 outfits (mostly dresses, some suits) the show was actually very useful for a dress-confused girl like myself. I was particularly taken with a strapless Chandrika Thomas dress and several of the Enzoani dresses caught my eye. I loved the Candy Anthony scene too, and am now considering (though none-too-seriously) the possibility of a knee-length 50s style.

After the show we had a look around the stands but, being Sunday afternoon, found that many suppliers' interest had waned slightly. The flowers area was somewhat disappointing, with very few displays of anything like what we want, but we were impressed with Mathew Dickinson and did get a couple of colour ideas. I looked at a few dresses too but variety was limited and many were dirty from lots of brides-to-be having tried them on.

Although we picked up some ideas and got our minds back in the wedding zone after a couple of busy work weeks, I don't think we'll go back to the show next year. So many of the stands were irrelevant to us, since the venue, photographer and honeymoon are already decided, and there just wasn't enough for the men. Doug did pick up a few suit hire brochures but the whole event was geared so much more towards women – there were more mums in the room than there were grooms!

All in all, a useful afternoon, but if you're getting married and you missed it, just head out and buy some mags for the same inspiration at a much cheaper price!

Photographer booked

So, after much agonising we've finally gone ahead and booked our photographer. We decided to go with Martin and Karen Plant because we know they'll capture a couple of blow-us-away shots that we'll treasure forever. We just kept coming back to one shot they took of a couple at our venue at sunset which is exactly the kind of thing we're after.

Next up is the dress and this is where I think it's going to start to feel really real...

The dreaded budget

Now that it's 2010 I can actually say I'm getting married "next year" and the preparations are getting all the more real. No more dizzily flicking through the wedding magazine pages for me, it's time to get serious about what we can afford and how.

First back-to-earth-with-a-bump task was the set the budget. The average UK wedding costs something like £20,000 and we're in London so we can more or less count on having to pay the highest prices on everything from the venue hire to the cake. Fortunately however this much-touted £20,000 figure actually includes the engagement ring (paid for) and the honeymoon (a separate budget as travel is so important to us) so the wedding itself is more likely to come in around £16,000, all things being "average", whatever that means.

We've had a lot of help from Doug's parents over the years but luckily we apparently haven't yet exhausted their goodwill so we have a nice substantial contribution to count on from them.

My mum however wants to do things differently and is paying for the dress, which means we can take that gargantuan budget-buster of an expense out of the spreadsheet (I know, a spreadsheet isn't exactly romantic, but this is, apparently, serious business) but not discard it altogether as I'm not entirely sure if her idea of an appropriate amount to spend on this is quite the same as mine.

That just leaves a shortfall of more money than I can bare to think too long about for us to save. Fortunately I've had this in mind for a while so we have a nice headstart but we have other demands on our money which are more important to us (namely an upcoming trip to Peru and a loooooong honeymoon to the States) so this is still likely to be an uphill battle involving cutting back on dinners out, copious drinks and lots of other fun things throughout 2010. Perhaps I'd better put my head back in those mags and remind myself what we're doing this for...