Getting personal?

Weddings always include certain unassailable things – vows, speeches, cake, some form of alcoholic beverage - but these are not the things that make it a wedding. Yes, it doesn't feel right if noone throws a bouquet and someone doesn't cry but what really makes a wedding is the personal touch.

Without something to make your wedding yours, something which couldn't have been at any other wedding, is it doomed to merge into every other wedding ever performed? In years to come people won't remember what they ate or whether it was real champagne or fake fizz they drank to toast your nuptials, but they will remember a unique first dance, red wedding dress or truly heartfelt speech by someone special.

So how can you come up with those unique, quirky touches to add to your big day? This is the question that is currently plaguing me as I move out of the early days of "do we want a church or civil ceremony?" and "what kind of dress do I want?" territory and into the frills, bows, bells and whistles territory of the decoration, music and entertainment.

Do I want a choreographed first dance? Should we hire some sort of entertainment other than music? Is it a good idea to use photos of ourselves as decorations or is this a bit navel-gazing? All these questions and many more way more specific ones to do with top secret possible extras are currently swimming around in my head along with the million and one other things we really ought to have sorted by now such as flowers and the groom's outfit.

Unfortunately all this brings me to the even scarier realm of mid-night questions about how well I know myself and my husband-to-be. What do people know us for? When our friends talk about us what do they say? And what do they really think of us anyway?
Clearly this has gone too far but the point is that unless you have something obviously outstanding about yourself, perhaps to do with your job, a hobby or your family background, it's very difficult to know what's "you" – at least to other people. There's little point throwing something so personal nobody gets it into the mix but taking a step back from yourself and thinking about what will make your wedding you is a formidable task - and one which no wedding magazine or website can really help you with.

The answer seems to be to add any quirky things you really want to add, get as many people close to you involved as possible (especially when it comes to readings, speeches and even performances) and try not to panic about whether your wedding will be memorable. Whatever happens it will be to you, and that's what really matters.