Are wedding books worth the paper they're written on?

I am nothing if not well researched and shortly after I got engaged I put in a rather embarrassingly large order to Amazon for wedding-related books (not to mention the arm-busting, carrier-bag-bursting trip to WHSmith for those seemingly essential wedding mags) and I've read every last one avidly, but are any of these "helpful" tomes really worth the paper they're written on?

My first read was A Modern Girl's Guide to Getting Hitched by Sarah Ivens. Considering myself to be one of these eponymous modern brides I thought this would prove useful but after a quick once-over, it's been languishing underneath various bridal catalogues in the "wedding corner" (actually a disorganised pile) of our living room ever since. I think the problem with this one is that it's all bullet points and advice-laden lists a la coffee-table book but comes in the flimsy format of a holiday paperback. This does, to be fair, make it easy to carry around, but also means it lacks a certain authority somehow - at least to me. There are helpful tips in here on everything from "coming to terms with never being able to pull men again" to "learning to accept your big day is over" and lots of the smaller details are covered in depth. However I personally found some of the advice a little obvious, some even to the point of assuming the reader has undergone some sort of lobotomy along with their engagement - do I really need to be reminded that "parents should always be first to hear of an engagement" or that "a tester fling with an ex is not a good idea"? Perhaps some brides do...

Next I read Laura Bloom's The Wedding Diaries which focuses on "how to get married in style without breaking the bank". This book is written as a diary so is more personal than A Modern Girl's Guide and unfortunately for me this was its downfall. As much as I love to hear about other weddings, it's going to take one that I really want to emulate for me to plough through over 200 pages of detail about it and this one just isn't that wedding. Although useful in theory, the amount of financial figures in this book made me all-too-concerned about costs and I question the relevance of listing everything to the pound when costs change so frequently anyway - and are so caught up in location, timing and exact specifications. If budget is your main concern, this book could be great but if you'd rather dream big then Laura isn't the right bride to follow.

Another, more obviously "useful" book I ended up with was The Step by Step Guide to Planning Your Wedding by Lynda Wright. Less a book than a workbook this is packed with checklists and suggestions for everything from bible readings to cake sizes. Due to the lack of things to actually read, this book hasn't emerged from the pile of wedding paraphernalia since it was purchased and, to be honest, is probably headed straight back there. Too much like school, not enough romance. Although brides who need someone else to organise them could do well with this.

More recently I bought Lucy Mangan's The Reluctant Bride. This chronological tale from engagement to wedding is more entertaining than most bridal books but if you don't like Lucy now you definitely won't after this. A humourous story this may be but with Lucy constantly painting herself as the fool, by the end of the book it's hard to take the wedding seriously and as the newlyweds leave their own painstakingly (actually, more just painfully) organised bash at around 8pm it left me realising all-too-late that, for me at least, this was a handbook to how not to do it.

But it's not all dross out there and my most recent two purchases have earned pride of place on the wedding pile. For a truly instructive guide which covers everything from the ceremony to the gift list, the Rough Guide to Weddings is the best out there. There are quotes from past brides and grooms in here but the focus is on what needs to be done, when and how and everything is laid out simply and in sensible chapter order. Advice is low-key, explaining the obvious without those "well, duh" moments and getting into the nitty gritty without being dogmatic about traditions or what you should and shouldn't be doing. This is coffee-table content in coffee-table format, and as such has been sitting on ours since it arrived, being referred to as and when we think of something we're not too sure about. Perfect.

My other favourite has been Confessions of a Wedding Planner by Tamryn Kirby - literally everything I was looking for in a wedding book. Funny, heart-warming, informative and enlightening, it focuses on Tamryn's rise from newbie to wedding coordinator extraordinaire and tells the tales of many a wedding, both good and bad. There are tips in here but the best don't come from lists, they come from the stories of past weddings - which, in reality, is exactly where they should do.

All in all I've come to the conclusion that wedding books must only be taken with a pinch of salt. I have such set ideas about what I want (surely, so does any bride) that no past wedding is going to be exactly what I'm looking for, so those "my experience" diary-style guides are not very helpful - and because every wedding is different, the list-heavy guide-style books are often prone to irrelevance. As with the magazines, wedding books are not to be followed by the letter, they are at best entertaining and/or instructive, and at worst infuriating and/or dull. Keep me away from Amazon...

Is it the thought that counts?

The last wedding I'll attend as a fiance (unless any of my friends are planning any rather sudden nuptials this winter) is fast approaching and with it the thorny issue of the gift list has raised its head.

Of course, we all expect to get the bride and groom something when we attend a wedding and buying them something is all part of the excitement of attending, but personally I really would rather buy them something (ie an actual present) rather than donate towards their honeymoon, loft extension or, worst of all, their actual wedding. Am I the only person who still likes to turn up to a wedding with a lovingly gift-wrapped box?!

Is it just me or is asking for money to be paid into your account just plain rude? I should hasten to add that it is not this wedding that is asking this of us but it does appear to be a growing trend and it's one that I (and I suspect many others) am really not comfortable with. A gift list at Trailfinders is one thing, it's quite another to just include your account number and sort code with the invitation, surely?

Having given this much thought for our own wedding, we have decided to have an actual gift list. This way, we will have numerous things in our home which will not only remind us of our wedding but also of the people who bought them for us. My mum still has a (slightly hideous admittedly) ornament which she remembers being given by her mother-in-law for her wedding and lots of people of my parents' generation have wedding china that is still treated with reverence to this day.

Of course, a honeymoon is essential and if you can't afford it yourselves it's a lovely gift to have it paid for by family and friends. But what if those friends can barely afford their own holiday this year? How are they going to feel about paying for your five-star sojourn? I'd wager far worse than they'll feel about contributing a tenner towards my John Lewis bath towels.

The gift list, I'm discovering, is every bit as personal as the wedding itself. We all have our own views on money and what it should be spent on – and shouldn't we have some right to choose what our contribution pays for? I would be much happier buying a specific experience for the couple to have on honeymoon (a scuba diving lesson or romantic dinner, for example) than I would be handing over a cheque to Kuoni and I'd much rather put money towards the deposit on the couple's first home than refund them the cost of my own dinner.

But perhaps I'm looking at this all wrong? Maybe it isn't for the guests to say what the money is spent on, but for the couple to decide for themselves? Money given as a gift should always be given without conditions, after all, and if the bride and groom want to spend my dosh on the chocolate fountain for their big day maybe that's ok. I'd still rather turn up with a lovingly giftwrapped box but if an envelope would be better received then who am I to argue?